Love and Hate

Corbin is my special little Dude. I don't know what I would do without him. He is a 2 1/2 year old genius, says me, and he gets smarter everyday. I have been very frustrated with him lately and I know it's me not him. Somedays I feel like a very bad Mommy. Especially on the days when I raise my voice. Today he told me he hated me. I don't even know where he learned that from. I have never been so hurt. He knew it was wrong and came right over and said "Sorry Mum" when he saw me crying. I had my mom and sister take him for the day. I needed a break after that. What is it that I am doing that he would say he hates me? How horrible of a person am I? I need to work on some things internally so I can project a better Mommy image to him. He needs to know how much I love him. We cuddled in my bed tonight before his bedtime. I said to him "I love you". He rolls over, touches my face and says "I You Too Mum"(he doesn't say love) We are ok again and tomorrow is another day. It will be a great one.

The Laundry Monster

I used to do a load or two of laundry everyday. Then, last week, I wasn't feeling very well(surprise, surpirise!) and I didn't do any. At all. All week long.. Man, am I paying for it now! I have folded 4 loads, I have one in the dryer(that just buzzed), one in a basket waiting for the dryer and one in the washer. I honestly can't even guesstimate as to how much is left. Suffice to say, I will be doing laundry for several hours yet. Bleh. On a happier note, my surgery to correct my "lady" issues(I feel so silly writing that! LOL) has been scheduled for Dec 18. I can hardly wait to feel better! Yea Me!

Drinking and Driving

So last night John and Sath came over for a snack around 11pm. They are working Festive RIDE this year and they were near the house, so it made sense to just come home for lunch. Of course, being the good wife I am, I was baking chocolate chip cookies and gooey toffee butter bars. Yes, at 11pm on a Saturday! What else am I going to do? Anyway, I am always shocked by the number of people they still stop each and every night and pull off the road for drinking and driving. It really is appalling. When will people learn? This year in the region bordering where we live, they dedicated their Festive RIDE to John's cousin, Steve, who was killed by a drunk driver in 1992. I know how much it has meant to our family. The sad thing is, it's the worst way to have a family member honoured. If there is anything I can say about the holiday season, or quite frankly any time of year, it's to please not drink and drive. Don't risk your life or lives of innocent strangers. Nothing would please me more than John coming home and telling me that they didn't get anyone. And not because they didn't get caught, but because everyone knew better. Be safe.

Early Morning...or was it a late night?

Wow! Did 6:30 ever come fast this morning! With John working nights for the first time in about a year, and Rosie gone, I am not sleeping well. Or at all. Last night we also had a pretty intense storm and every big gust of wind scared me. Pathetic, I know. I am hoping my mom and sister might take Corbin for the day, but I won't count on it. I really have to get my butt in gear and figure out our Christmas cards. I ordered a bunch from Avon(yes, I sell Avon) and I am also getting photo ones for the family. I have to write our family newsletter and sometime before the 12th of December, get about 100 cards mailed out. I also have two Secret Santa exchanges to do, two ornament exchanges, baking, and I'm trying to figure out when to host my Avon open house. Hmmmm....too much thinking for so early. Perhaps I can think more clearly once I've plowed through my pot of coffee. Have a great day - Cheers!

Temper Tantrums

So, as I type, we are in the midst of a huge temper tantrum. Corbin is in his room, at the gate, screaming his face off. He is angry, crying and I think he might actually put a hole in the wall. In case you are wondering, he is having a time out because he is having issues with sharing his toys with his sister. He takes everything he can carry and hoards it so she can't play with anything. He will snatch every toy from her hands and shove her to get to something first. Until he can learn to play nicely, he is looking at a time out. It is not going very well. Other than that, I woke up this morning to a pristine house. Flylady would be proud! John invited a co-worker to crash here last night because they had to be in Toronto this morning for the provincial Festive RIDE kickoff and he lives too far away to drive home at 4am and be back for 8am. So, I tidied last night and I have a beautiful house this morning. I have a busy day of baking planned - chocolate chip cookies, apricot almond scones, bread and apple crisp. I also don't know if I will have Benjamin this afternoon, which may play into how much baking I do today vs tonight. This evening is for the mountain of laundry that has accumulated while I have been sick and for sorting baby clothes for Danny. This baby is definitely not going to be late, so I had better get my rear in gear! Hope you all have a happy, tantrum free day!

Such a good wife...

I am really playing the role of good wife/mother this weekend. I'm not really sure what the deal is yet, but I have been really in the mood to clean and bake. It's a little "June Cleaver"esque, but hey, why not? So I've baked 3 different kids of cookies, a loaf of banana bread, a loaf of French bread, and a loaf of dark rye bread. I have almost finished cleaning my bedroom, closet included, and I have cleaned out and reorganized my pantry and kitchen. Really all that is left is the play room. I think maybe this overwhelming urge to be a good homemaker stems from the fact that shortly, this really will be my job. If, I say if but I should say when, be positive right?, I get some children enrolled in my home daycare, this will be my day to day. Cooking, cleaning, and playing. I know I should be excited, but I am terrified. What if the kids hate me? What if I hate them? What if we never get out of this financial hell that we are in? I am hopeful, I want to be confident but I'm not quite there yet, that this week I will have at least one child enrolled. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. I have to quit my job of ten years this week with technically nothing to fall back on, no safety net. I hope that something, someone will catch me......

 

Why?

I often wonder why I am so dependant on other people. I really hate that about myself. I know the main reason is that I don't drive. I have my G1(Learners), but I have not been out driving since the Sunday before I had Aeva-Grace. I know I need to do this for myself and my sanity, but I always have an excuse as to why I can't. Not enough money for lessons, too much snow, etc. What am I afraid of? The independance? I don't know. But I do know that if I am ever going to be able to function as a grown up, I need to learn to drive. Ok, resolution made. Tomorrow I will call and find out how much lessons are. Then I will budget for them. I am sick of having to beg people to take me places. This ends now.

Uh Huh Uh Huh Uh Huh!

Yep, makes no sense and I don't care. I am tired of trying to make sense when I feel so yucky. My CT scan showed nothing and I am terrified of what has yet to be found. I see the surgeon next Wednesday and I am afraid that she will say the hole is so small it is not worth repairing. I also fear that this "hernia" is not the cause of the rest of my health issues and that I am more sick than I think. I try not to overreact, but I can't help but fear the worst. I spoke to my family doctor's nurse yesterday and she seemed concerned that the hernia is not really capable of causing my other problems. She even mentioned "colonoscopy"! *shuddering* I really don't want to get that done, but if it figures out the problem, then let's go. I guess I am just worried that it's going to be bad and I worry more about my mortality lately. Does that seem stupid? To worry about dying when you've got nothing concrete to worry about yet? John would think I am overreacting, so I don't really talk to him about it. I should, I know. But I don't want him to worry too, and I can be pretty convinvcing when I think something is wrong. Ok, enough is enough. I need to go research more symptoms. Feed the fire, right?

Awesome family

This is why I love my husband. He is the world's best father. He absolutely hates this book, but Corbin loves it, so they read it. Over and over again. As many times as he wants. He gets up at 4:30am to get ready for work and is home around 4pm. From the time he walks in the door, till they go to bed, John is super Dad! He feeds Aeva-Grace while I start dinner, all the while entertaining Corbin, a little boy who idolizes his Daddy and can't wait till he comes home. They all run and play and make Rosie nuts. They read and watch Dr Phil, and by dinner time everyone has the giggles. Sometimes I stand in the doorway, quietly, and just watch them. He is so natural with both kids. Some men are just born fathers. John is one of them.

Tonight, John and I switched off at bedtime and I took Corbin, he took Aeva-Grace. It was nice to trade. We try to switch kids at bedtime a couple of times a week, when he works days. When he works afternoons, I do both by myself. After Corbin's storytime tonight, we cuddled on his bed for a bit, practising his new words. Then Corbin pointed to me and said "pretty". I thought I was going to cry. I asked, "you think Mommy is pretty?" He touches my cheek and whispers, "yeah, pretty Mom" I almost lost it. It's moments like that everything makes sense and the world is right. I love my family!

Birthday shopping and temper tantrums

Ok, so Corbin is tantruming as I type. I'd say it's funny to watch, cause usually it is, but he's been going for an hour, and frankly, I've had enough. He has hit the terrible two wall hard and fast and he's still got 2 1/2 weeks to go! We picked out his birthday gift today. My mom, sister, aunt and unlce are going in with us to get him a jungle gym thingie for the backyard. It's pretty cool looking and I think he and Aeva-Grace will be able to enjoy it for some time. I also went for my bloodwork today so I can get my CT scan booked prior to my surgery. I am hoping that the surgery can be done later in the summer, but not so late that I will still be recovering for our anniversary in September. We are hoping to go away this year someplace all inclusive and hot, kinda like the honeymoon we never had.

The Shower

Today was Sonya's shower. It was at Peggy's and I really thought it would be a nice afternoon. Was I ever wrong. Same crusty people they were in high school...the other guests that is. Sonya and Peggy and Carol were nice like they have always been, but everyone else was so rude. They felt sorry for me for being a SAHM, and implied that my life must suck because I never went to university. I felt like the one person at the party who didn't belong. It was a horrible afternoon and I had to make an excuse for John to come and get me. At least when I got home, Corbin wanted me to read him like 10 books and kept giving me big hugs. He is such an intuitive little boy and alwasy knows how to cheer me up.

Wow! I have been so lazy with this blog!

Ok, so it has been how many months since I last posted here? Ummmmm....yeah, ok, so here I go. Aeva-Grace is now 6 1/2 months old. She is an absolute delight to be with and is an extremely happy baby. Corbin will be 2 years old this month! I can't believe how the time has flown by. I can remember sitting in my room after giving birth, watching him sleep....and now I go into his room at night and I can't believe how much he has grown. He is very much a rough and tumble little boy! I think he gets his enthusiasm and excitement from his Daddy. I am still in the process of losing weight. Down another 1/2 lb today. WHOO HOO!

The last few days

Well, it's been a few days since I last posted. I went to Weight Watchers on Friday and I had gained 1/2 lb. I was really depressed about it at first, but the lady at Weight Watchers reminded me that because I am breastfeeding, my weight will fluctuate due to fluid retention. It still sucks though. The babies and I went shopping with Mom and Jess on Thursday. We went to Ikea and Vaughan Mills. It was fun. I bought Aeva-Grace a snowsuit for next winter. It was regularly $100, but I got it on clearance for $29.99! Yea me! On Saturday, I had my hair highlighted and John spent 5 hours alone with Corbin and Aeva-Grace. Then John dropped them off at Mom and Jess' and we went to my work's after Christmas Christmas party. It was fun to dress up and go out for a nice dinner. It would have been even more fun if John would've danced with me, but I guess we all have our hangups. In short, it's been pretty busy here lately. Oh, I also had my final ultrasound on Wednesday and I am totally in the clear now! WHOO HOO!!!! John and I also cleaned out the kitchen yesterday. We cleaned out the fridge, freezer, cupboard and pantry. Next weekend, we do the pantry cupboard at the top of the stairs. Fun!

Heading out....

Going shopping tonight with my mom. Hopefully it will be fun. John has to put Aeva-Grace to bed and tonight is her first night on her new schedule. I'm sure all will go well. She was up most of last night with terrible gas. I feel so badly for her because there is nothing I can do. Corbin was wonderful today. He was super happy and really well behaved. Well, on my way out the door.

Down 5!

I am down 5 lbs!!!! Yea me!! WHOO HOO! I am so excited. I had a good week, weight wise. I find it so much easier to keep myself in check when I have to write everything down. I also had my check up today and the gross piece that fell out is in fact retained placenta. Dead, rotting placenta to be exact. EWWWW!!! I go for another ultrasound next week to find out if there is anymore left in there. I really hope it shows a nice EMPTY uterus! Corbin is fighting a col, possible ear infection. He has been having trouble with his balance and is not eating or sleeping well. He is actually jumping in his crib as I'm typing and he should have been napping over and hour ago. Aeva-Grace is doing very well. She is adjusting to her bedtime routine well, and usually only gets me up once a night. John had a great first week at work. He loves his new position and is very happy for the first time in a long time. Tomorrow is Jessica's birthday. We are going to Jack Astor's for lunch and then back here for ice cream cake. One more super great item of news - I tried on my black dress that I wore to Mom's awards dinner in Oct '04.....and it fits! I have something to wear to my work party next weekend. This has been a great day!

Worked out today!

I actually rode my exercise bike tonight for 20 minutes. I am really proud of myself. I have been planning on starting for awhile, so it feels good to actually be doing it. Hopefully, I stick to it and I can reach my goals sooner rather than later. We took the kids to the mall to visit at work today. Everyone was very well behaved. We ordered Swiss Chalet for dinner and it was delicious. Aeva-Grace is no longer constipated, and totally grossed out her Daddy. It was so bad, she needed a bath! Tomorrow, I am planning to workout early in the morning before Corbin gets up. Wish me luck!

Trip to Walmart

Today was pretty good overall. John got up with Aeva-Grace during the night, so I actually got a whole night's sleep. It was lovely. We went to Walmart this afternoon, which is always an adventure. Shopping on Saturday is never fun, but John really hates it. I was hoping to go to the mall for a few hours to just walk around and get out of the house, but John really needed to get stuff at Walmart, and that took precedent over my mall excursion. My positive thought for today is that my winter boots do up over my calves now with no trouble! WHOO HOO! This is definite progress. I am very pleased. Today's pic is Aeva-Grace in her cute pink skirt.

Weight Watchers

Today I rejoined Weight Watchers! I am still the same weight from a few days ago, but that's ok. I feel really good about this and will continue to post about my success on Fridays after I get weighed in. Aeva-Grace slept well last night, only waking up once around 4:30am to feed. Corbin also slept well, as usual, but had another temper tantrum this morning. He decided to throw his books on the floor and did not want to pick them up. I think it took John about a half hour to finally get him to pick up 6 books, but he did it. We are hoping that soon Corbin will understand that when Mommy or Daddy say to do something, it means do it, not scream and cry. We'll see how this progresses. I am also planning on starting to ride my exercise bike tonight. I'm going to start slow and work back up, so next week when I start jogging again it won't be such a shock to my system! LOL I also plan on starting my weights again and researching the plans at the gym to find out what my best options are. I am really excited about getting back in shape and feeling good about myself again!

Sleeping baby

Today was day 2 of our new bedtime routine for Aeva-Grace. It is going pretty well. Last night took 3 hours to get her asleep and she only fell asleep because she was fed. Tonight took and hour and a half, and she's out cold! WHOO HOO! Unfortunately, this means that it takes until 11:30pm for John and I to have some alone time. Hopefully, things comtinue to go well and she'll be a great sleeper in no time! Corbin was also pretty good today. He opted not to nap this afternoon, but was still good at the grocery store. He fell asleep on the way home and didn't wake up too well, but come dinner time and he was good to go. He ate a ton at dinner and went to bed well. Obviously, it was a pretty boring day. I ordered some books online from Chapters becasue they were having a big sale and tomorrow I am rejoining Weight Watchers. I am not looking forward to getting on their scale. Wish me luck!

Cute baby!

Well, today was kind of better. I am trying some new techniques with Corbin that seem to be working. ex. Helping him pick up his dvd's when he throws them all over the floor vs. yelling at him to pick them up and then doing it myself out of frustration. I am hoping that this will take over the next few days while John is home to help reinforce the new "laws". Aeva-Grace decided that Mommy should get up at 5:30am and stay up for the day. It was not met with a great deal of enthusiasim on my part, but thankfully John got Corbin up and fed when he got home from work this morning, so that helped a lot! Day 3 of the healthy eating plan is still going well. I have lots of points left today, and I think I'll have a small piece of chocolate tonight. I figure counting it is better than binging, which is where I'm headed if I don't get some soon. I am almost done my antibiotics, and the infection has still not cleared up. 1 more week till I see the doctor, so I guess I'll just suffer it out.
Today's pic is of Aeva-Grace that I took last night when she was being particularly cute. Enjoy!

A Mommy on the Verge!

Today Corbin is working on driving me crazy. He has been particularly naughty today, spitting and throwing food and hitting Aeva-Grace in the head with Rosie's rubber football. Fortunately for everyone, he is currently napping. Also on the plus side, I have no time for snacking, so day 2 of the healthy eating plan is going well. I plan on rejoining Weight Watchers next week. Hopefully they will have a promotion on and will wave the sign up fee. I am also looking forward to finally joining the gym. John and I will be working out at the same gym, but not together. At least, not yet. I need a personal trainer and possibly to hide out in the ladies section for a few weeks. I am really hoping to drop 10lbs by Valentines Day. I think it is a reasonable goal to strive for and if I lose more it will be bonus.
Aeva-Grace is being very pleasant today. She is very smiley and coos a lot. It is a welcome change from the screaming little boy I have seen today.
Well, off to wake up John. I hope he makes lunch!

First Post

Well, here we are on the second day of the New Year! Hopefully, I can try to keep this updated as frequently as possible so our family and friends can kep up with our oh so busy lives. Hahaha! I will update pics every other day, if necessary, and keep track of all our family milestones. For example, Corbin now says "tata" when he wants your food, and Aeva-Grace is now weighing 10lbs 10 oz! John and I are staring a new healthy eating/healthy living regime today. I weighed in this morning at 189lbs. I am hoping to get to my goal weight of 145lbs, but I am not setting a time limit on this. I want to do it right and keep it off. Happy New Year to all, and we'll post more soon!