Uh Huh Uh Huh Uh Huh!

Yep, makes no sense and I don't care. I am tired of trying to make sense when I feel so yucky. My CT scan showed nothing and I am terrified of what has yet to be found. I see the surgeon next Wednesday and I am afraid that she will say the hole is so small it is not worth repairing. I also fear that this "hernia" is not the cause of the rest of my health issues and that I am more sick than I think. I try not to overreact, but I can't help but fear the worst. I spoke to my family doctor's nurse yesterday and she seemed concerned that the hernia is not really capable of causing my other problems. She even mentioned "colonoscopy"! *shuddering* I really don't want to get that done, but if it figures out the problem, then let's go. I guess I am just worried that it's going to be bad and I worry more about my mortality lately. Does that seem stupid? To worry about dying when you've got nothing concrete to worry about yet? John would think I am overreacting, so I don't really talk to him about it. I should, I know. But I don't want him to worry too, and I can be pretty convinvcing when I think something is wrong. Ok, enough is enough. I need to go research more symptoms. Feed the fire, right?